Tuesday, 25 August 2009

Tabloid On Telly

I don't know how 24 Oras gets all its media awards. Their news items are shite! And when they aren't quite shitty, they report them like shite. Sure, they can masquerade unimportant news as gold and degrade important news to crap, I'll give them that. But they shouldn't be claiming that they're doing it for the people. 'Serbisyong totoo', my arse. If they intend to be tabloid-on-telly, they should say so and leave the serious reporting to a group that can truly 'represent'.

Tonight, they made a hype out of a group of plain monitor lizards in Thailand claiming they were giant common lizards the size of crocodiles. In Mike Enriquez's exaggerated Batangueño: "Mga higanteng butiki, kasing laki ng buwaya?!"

Bayawak 'yun; alam ng tao kung ano ang bayawak. At ano naman kung may bayawak sa Thailand e mayroon din naman tayo nun dito? (It's a monitor lizard; people know what a monitor lizard looks like. And so what if they have monitor lizards in Thailand when we have them here just the same?)

In all fairness, though, I think most of these fucktards on telly are rating-maniacs. They don't care what kind of rubbish they feed the people, as long as they get attention and rake in the dosh/dough. They should do the populace a favour and kill themselves before they infect the children.

Now, to some of you, I'm probably just over reacting. To be honest, I'm in a war. ;)

Thursday, 20 August 2009

Bottled Water For 3 Pesos? Come On!

This deserves the blog. I just had a very unpleasant experience with a very arrogant American customer. (I feel that his nationality is important to mention because he seemed to think so.)

You see, earlier today, an American ordered 2 bottles of distilled water. We told him that they cost 10 pesos each.

He said: "But these things only cost 3 pesos." (I am oblivious as to where he got that ridiculous idea. I think I, a native, would know it better than him as to how much our products normally cost.)

We said: "No, they cost 10 if chilled. I can give them to you for 8 pesos but in room temperature."

He said: "You're only charging me 10 because I'm an American.

Amused, we said: "No, we charge every one 10 pesos."

Unconvinced, he said: "Then you won't see me buying here anymore.

Shocked but calm, we said: "Okay! Then don't."

What a godawful man. Thinking that we would overprice him just because he's American? Thinking we would overprice at all! What an arrogant, judgmental, common sense deprived wanker. Latak ng kanluran. Hindi ka na magtataka kung bakit isinusuka sila ng Europa kung saan sila nanggaling.

I shall not say he is a shame to America. I leave that to his fellow citizens.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Dahil Sobra Na!

I'm officially deaf. Someone just used "sobra" five times in the same sentence. And as if that wasn't enough, another celebrity had to say it all over again. In a commercial! One of the most vile purveyors of rubbish to the unsuspecting masses.
"Sobrang bilis... sobrang affordable."
In English: Too fast, too affordable.

Has it not occurred to these sobra-abusers that sobra means "too much" and not "very much"? And we all know that anything in excess is rarely a good thing. Kapag sobra, pangit na.

The correct word for "very much" is napaka or ubod ng. If you happen to come from Cavite, you would know d'ang, as well. But sobra is not the word, I'm sure.
In Spanish, unsurprisingly, sobra also means "over" or "surplus".

What is happening to your Tagalog, o' youth? Change, yes. Advance? Hardly.

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

National Mother

I am touched and moved. And I am getting goosebumps. Teary eyed, to add.

I admit that, for a long time, I knew little of her as I was only a foetus when she helped overthrow the Dictatorship and restored our Democracy. But I believe the people who were there, and all the people who mourn now, that she was not only a President, she was a National Mother.
I raise this cup to her: the plain housewife and shy widow who became President of the Republic of the Philippines.

Today, we bury your body. Your spirit, we shall remember for ever.
You who dwell now beneath the earth and above the stars, continue to enrich our world with your liberated spirit...

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Dialectal Differences

I just had a rather amusing experience today at our mini grocery. I can't help but share!

Customer: Isang kahang Fortune ho. Sigisteen?

Me: Po?

Customer: Sigisteen?

Me: Ano po 'yon?

Customer: Sigisteen!

Me: Ah... (realising he probably means 'sixteen', I confirm the brand) Fowchoon?

Customer: Ha?

Me: Fowchoon?

Customer: Ano 'yon?

Me: Fowchoon! (hands over his pack of fags and says) Thank you, come again!

LMAO. At least, mine is a legitimate pronunciation!

Misplaced Familiarity

Nurse [age 25] says: Magandang umaga, 'Nay! (Good morning, Mum!)

Patient [age 35] responds: Magandang umaga rin. (Good morning to you, too.)

Nurse: Kamusta pakiramdam niyo, 'Nay? (How are you feeling, Mum?)

Patient: Maayos naman. (I'm doing well.)

Nurse: Nakainom ka na ba ng gamot, Nanay? (Have you taken your medicine, Mummy?)

Patient: Close tayo, 'te?!!!

I find it annoying, don't you? Western readers may have difficulty understanding this (as I do not think this happens a lot in Anglophone countries), but a dreadful trend of misplaced familiarity has risen in the Philippines lately. These days, many professionals - most of whom are city-dwellers; supposedly more educated than their provincial counterparts - are wont to address their business contacts as if they were close kin. Senior familial names such as NANAY (Mummy) or TATAY (Daddy); 'NAY (Mum) or 'TAY (Dad) are now being commonly used to address a patient, a tindera (vendor), or a mamimili (customer). When has it ever been appropriate to call a total stranger something so intimate as 'Mummy' or 'Daddy'?

Some call it affection, sure. But know that not every one is open to your assumption that they are fine with your intrusive and misplaced affection. Use what is sensitive and appropriate. Use MISS, MA'AM, or SIR. In Tagalog: ALI
or MAMÂ. KUYA (elder brother) or ATE (elder sister) is usually safe to use but it is not entirely advisable, either. Believe me, I have heard quite a few respond with "kapatid ba kita?" (are we siblings), and I do not blame them.

However, I am willing to accept this breaking of social borders for harmony's sake. Only and if only it makes sense. I mean, really, a lady 10 years your senior cannot be your Mummy.