Matt's words, not mine. But it feels like me. You could dub me with it, actually. But he had different reasons when he wrote this: "Outing". Me, I just don't feel comfortable with labelling myself gay, bi or straight. I don't feel it presents me with accuracy. And I love accuracy to the bone.
The "Gay Scene": To be brief, I just don't like it. I can't figure out why one's sexual orientation would make one act differently (outside the bedroom), but I think it would be either willful denial or blindness to deny that many gay men have adopted certain characteristics that have come to be known as “gay acting.” And I say “adopted” because not all gay men do this, and many that do didn't do it before they came out. Homosexuality may not be a choice, but it appears these characteristics are. I suppose it is these characteristics that enable “gaydar” to work, and maybe that's why they exist: guys are sending out clear “mating signals” to ease dating. And it's nothing against gays, necessarily. I also don't like when receptionists on the west side of Los Angeles adopt fake British accents, or when newly rich people start pretending they like opera, or when the Chinese kids I went to high school with start speaking Ebonics and acting like “thugz.” Give me a break! Why can't people just be who they are? Perhaps my antipathy comes from a lack of understanding why they do it. I'm definitely not saying people shouldn't have the freedom to express themselves how they want. And I'm definitely not ripping on guys who are naturally feminine or who really do have a flair for fashion or who actually do tend to scream when they're excited. But it just annoys me when people fake it, and I'm not looking forward to being lumped together with that, or having my friends and family wondering when I'm going to start lisping and wearing feather boas.
Bogus Hindsight: I've never really liked most team sports. I've always been interested in architecture. I've always gotten along well with girls as friends. I've always been close to my mom. I think it's fun to read celebrity magazines like People. I talk really fast when I get excited. I think these things are just part of who I am. I think I can point to how those characteristics developed. And I don't think they have anything to do with the fact that I find boys attractive. But they could be seen as “gay” traits. And I'm sure people are going to look back and nod smugly and say “ahhh, of course, I should have known!” I just find that ridiculous and annoying. If they look back to the fact that I haven't dated a girl since high school, or that I got caught with naked pictures of myself on my computer in high school, well THOSE were legitimate clues. But I won't enjoy people examining my life and finding “gay” things in my past that are not. I don't want to be re-defined through gay-colored glasses.
But I do find boys immensely attractive, though. Mostly. Not all the time, but mostly. Why do you even need a label for that?