Beltane: Where exactly is this happening in the Philippines?

Today is Beltane! At this sacred time of the year, we nature-worshipping bumpkin-wannabes gather once more to honour the fertility of the land and the vibrance of life, symbolised by the courtship and marriage of the divine powers behind nature. Joy once more returns as life conquers death; oak defeats holly; summer overpowers winter. All the earth is alive again! From plants to animals to humankind! Let us all celebrate the vital passion that now gushes forth from the womb of the earth!

Can you feel the surging force of this joyous sabbat yet? Take a look at some photos I took recently to celebrate this vibrant season of life.

See the full gallery on Posterous

Can you feel the loving embrace of drought now? Truly, the return of summer is celebrated the same way across countries. After all, if it's happening in Britain -- home of 25,000 year old Wicca -- it should be the same in the Philippines, yes? Right? Right?

See the full gallery on Posterous

In case you're daft today, I was being sarcastic. The tomatoes seem to be fine, though. Who's in for a tomato sabbat?

Harry Potter TV Show? Watch and weep.

via youtube.com

At first, I was: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then, I went: Oh, fuck.

Now, I'm all: MAKE THIS REAL OR I'LL START KILLING PEOPLE!

Gratitude to Ronald Lim for sharing this. Broke my heart.

Secrets of the Kapamilya newsroom - Mosquito Press

via mosquitopress.net

What could be truer! Applies to Kapuso et al, too.

Ze Plan For English

I thought this was too funny not to share. Apparently it's from a bloke named Gai Dennett. I think.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

The Death of Common Sense

I got this in the mail today from a kinsman; I liked it. It was claimed to have been from an obituary in The London Times but I found out that the original version was published in the Indianapolis Star in 1998, written by Lori Bergman. Still, I like the British one better.



Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

The Good News

Lately I have been reading some very interesting news from a very interesting news blog "Good Times Manila". You have got to check it out!

Gloria Arroyo has secret 'imaginary friends'
Most Filipinos believe they were switched at birth
Angel Locsin and Marian Rivera get into an argument in QC bar
Sharon miraculously survives 20 floor plunge
Hayden Kho hooks up with Madame Auring
Loren sips coffess as Villar slowly dies
Sorry, no Barack-Gloria movie
Greenpeace sues Korina for polluting the air
Mike Enriquez hospitalized after cave mishap
Kim Chiu swept off her feet - literally
Mistaken identity makes Charice Pempenco cry
Marian's temper flares at salon
Group protests 'homoerotic scenes' in new soap
Pacquiao daughter to change name

Do not forget to read the About page afterwards.

Note: "It’s not for those who have little or no sense of humor, and certainly not for those who cannot laugh at themselves. It’s for those among us who look at life a little differently from the norm. It’s for folks who can laugh unreservedly at human foibles – their own and those of others, especially."

PS: Happy 10,000th page view to GTM!

Mga Bagong Kautusan Sa Lansangan

1. Ang mga lalaking mahilig bumukaka sa mga upuang pangmaramihan ay tutuliin upang magkaroon sila ng angkop na dahilan upang bumukaka. Ang mga tuli na ay tutuliing muli.

2. Ang mga taong hindi makapag-abot ng bayad kahit wala naman silang mga katabi ay lalagyan ng pandikit sa puwet upang habang buhay na itong nakadikit sa upuan.

3. Ang mga mahilig pumara sa maling babaan ay pabababain sa gitna ng kalsada upang makipagpatintero sa mga rumaragasang sasakyan. Kapag sila ay nabangga, sadyang iiwan ang kanilang mga bangkay sa kalsada ng limang araw upang maging babala sa iba.

4. Para sa mga bus na tayuan, ang mga mahilig lumugar sa harapan kahit sa Cubao pa sila bababa galing Ayala ay gagawing konduktor.

5. Ang mga sinungaling at suwapang na konduktor na mahilig magsabi ng maluwag kahit masikip na ay siyang pauupuin sa sinasabi nilang maluwag.

6. Ang mga driver ng jeepney na mahilig tumigil sa walang katao-taong lugar upang magpuno ay sasakyan ng mga ligaw na kaluluwa.

7. Ang mga mahilig sumingit sa pila ng LRT o MRT ay gagawing bag inspector upang sila na palagi ang nasa harapan ng pila.

8. Ang mahilig manulak sa LRT o MRT ay ipagtutulak ng tren kapag ito ay nasira.

9. Ang mga kotseng mahilig sumingit sa trapiko ay gagasgasan ng kaha (kung bago ang pintura) o bubutasan ng gulong.

10. Ang mga mahilig magtapon ng resibo ng tollgate sa lansangan ay gagawing street sweeper. Kung ipahihintulot, maari rin silang gawing puno.

11. Ang mga traffic enforcer na mahilig mangotong ay tatanggalan ng suweldo. (Please help me think of a harsher punishment here.)

12. Ang mga motosiklista (motorcyclist) na mahilig humagitgit at humarurot sa lansangan ay pilit na ipapanuod ng "The Goriest Road Accidents on Earth"; papanuorin nila ito ng isang linggo habang kumakain.


There. Did I miss anything else? Please let me know.